Sane Musings of Insanity
by ConfusedColumbia26220
Summary: In this oneshot, Wesley muses to himself about Lilah, and ultimately determines there is a loophole to her contract. Though she is dead, he aims to win her back. Is he mad with reasoning, or irrational with impossible theories?


1She was dead. He hadn't seen it happen, but one look was enough to know. She was dead, and for the first time, when he looked at her, he didn't see Fred - he didn't see Fred, yet he saw the woman he loved. Dead. He felt his heart sink, then cease to beat. Everything he'd found solace in, when he had nothing, was gone. Just like that.

Dead or not, he knew it wasn't the end. It couldn't be. They weren't through - death was not a part of the game. The game was to take, take, take everything in sight and then give, only the slightest, to make the other stay, to make them want to continue playing the game, giving them the hope that it could be won. No one else was allowed to play. It was a very specific, very special game for two.

Ruined. Because of some punctured vital artery, cutting off oxygen from the brain, blood from the heart.

Heart. It was something she did indeed have, and not just as a part of her anatomy. He always was rather slow in his revelations, but this just called for the Worst Timing Ever award.

Worst timing, precisely. The death had to come at a time where not only was an apocalypse recently overcome, no, also where the vampire with a soul no longer had a soul, and at a time that should have been the best for them to expand - where she was out of work, and nothing but sheer human stubbornness could keep them from being together.

Together. It was fated for them to be, but who's to say they had to be the twenty-first century's Romeo and Juliet?

Romeo and Juliet. Wasn't the first death false, a forgery?

False death; death forgery - it seemed worth hoping for. Wolfram & Hart's reputation made it clear that death was almost never permanent, and that not even death would break the contract's bind.

Contract's bind, she did have one, did she not? Always being called away at ungodly hours, shaping her life around her job - except for that small piece of escape that was their own visible secret, hiding in plain view.

Hiding in plain view - there would have to be a loophole, yes? As most contractors do, surely they overlooked a mistake or too. And if his revelation is not indeed slow, and his theory correct, if she is to come back, is there not a way for him to rid her debt?

Debt - a heavy burden, indeed. What a relief it should be to be freed from such a nuisance that it is, to free one who is not oneself - such a beautiful thing.

Beautiful thing, that is what this death has come to be. Paving the way to a better path, it may sometimes have to begin with the appearance of a bitter end.

End - what all good things have to come to eventually, correct? But what is to come of those that were not good? What of those that were benevolent, mediocre? Things that fit in the gray area, what is to become of them?

Gray area, wasn't that her point all along? That there were no lines separating black from white, and that when you mix the two together, the only product is gray? Indeed.

Indeed, a word of assurance. A positivity. He has this certainty of her return, after all, no granteth thy wickedeth resteth - no rest for the wicked.

Wicked, such a scandalizing description. The Wicked tend to have a story, just like the popularized Wicked Witch of the West in the media.

Media, a thing where socialites and high matinence people gear their attention to. Had she really, though? Or was there a mask under the mask that had been revealed?

Revealed, finally, there is a loophole. Good things come to those who wait.

Whether the entity herself being a good thing is of no importance, since the event of her return is regarded as one. Yes, when the supernatural hierarchy decides to bring her up from the earth, she will be bound, flesh and bone once again, and stripped of the contract binds that prevent her from rest.

Rest, he should get some soon. According to his calculations, he has a lot of work to do in a few weeks time.

Why does he bother? There was this phrase he once heard, that resonates strongly in his psyche now:

"_If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours."_


End file.
